Well!
Do you want to tell me what she was doing with her arms around you?
Probably lookin' for a good place to stick a knife.
- Oh, come on, Eddie. I caught you with your pants down! - Yeah, but...
Dolores, come...
Come on, Dolores.
You don't believe a painted hussy like that could turn my head.
She's just tryin' to get her hands on the rabbit.
That's not all she's trying to get her hands on.
Now look, Dolores, listen. Listen to me.
Look, I want you to go out. I want you to buy yourself a new swimsuit.
'Cause you and me are goin' to Catalina.
- I'm on the verge of wrappin' up this case. - No, you're not, Eddie.
That's what I came to tell you. I stopped by Probate.
Maroon's not after Toontown, like you thought.
It's Cloverleaf that wants to get their hands on Toontown.
They put in the highest bid.
And unless Mr. Acme's will shows up by midnight tonight,
Cloverleaf is gonna own Toontown.
What? At midnight tonight?
That's right.
First they buy the Red Car. Then they want to get their hands on Toontown.
- I don't get it. - Shh!
Roger.
The rabbit. Get the Judge.
Nice shirt. Who's your tailor, Quasimodo?
Oh!
Eddie, what are ya... Yah!
Hey, who turned out the lights?
I can't see a thing. What's goin' on?
You crazy rabbit,
I've been out there riskin' my neck for you.
And what are you doin'? Singin' and dancin'!
But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
- Sit down! - You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
Yeah, and when they're done laughing, they'll call the cops.
That guy, Angelo, would rat on you for a nickel.
Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
- Why? Because you made him laugh? - That's right.
A laugh can be a very powerful thing.
Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.
- Laughter is the most im... - Shh.
Ix-nay. Ix-nay.
I'm looking for a murderer.
A rabbit.
A toon rabbit...
about yea... big.
Look, there's no rabbit here.
So don't harass my customers.
I didn't come here to harass. I came here to reward.
Hey. I seen a rabbit.
Where?
Ya see?
- Where? - He's right here in the bar.
Well, say hello, Harvey.
I told ya so.
"Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"
Quite a loony selection for a group of drunken reprobates.
He's here!
Stop that laughing!
Have you forgotten what happened last time?
If you don't stop this laughing, you're gonna end up dead,
just like your idiot hyena cousins!
Say, Boss, you want we should "disresemble" the place?
No, Sergeant.
Disassembling the place won't be necessary.
The rabbit is going to come right to me.
- Gee. - No toon...
can resist the old shave-and-a-haircut trick.
- I don't know who's toonier, you or Doom.
Roger.
Ro... Roger!
Roger, no.
Roger, don't, Roger.
Hey, Judge, what should we do with the wallflower?
We'll see to him later.
Right now, I feel like dispnsing some justice.
Bring me some Dip.
Aah!
Does the Condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?
Why, yeah...
Wah!
Dolores, bourbon. And make it a double.
Fine time for a drink, Eddie.
- Maybe you'd like a bowl of pretzels to go with it! - Just pour the drink, Dolores.
Hey, Judge?
Don't a dyin' rabbit deserve a last request?
Yeah, Noseplugs would be nice!
I think you want a drink.
How 'bout it, Judge?
Well, why not?
I don't mind prolonging the execution.
- Happy trails. - No thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin' to cut down.
- Drink the drink. - But I don't want the drink.
- He doesn't want the drink. - He does! - I don't.
- You do. You do. - I don't. I don't.
- You do. You don't. - I don't. I do,
- You don't. You don't. - I do.
Listen, when I say, "I do", that means I do!
Aah!
Gotcha, kid.
Come on, Eddie, let's get outta here!
Move it, pops. Yikes!
That was quick thinkin', Eddie.
Nothin' like usin' the o" spine flower, the wise noodle, the...
- Roger! Let's use this. - Yah!
- Let's get outta here. What're you waitin' for? - There's no damn key.
Hey, you weasels, lemme outta here, will ya?
- Come on, I gotta make a livin'. - Benny, is that you?
No, it's Eleanor Roosevelt.
Come on, Roger, get me outta here.
Eddie, we got ourselves a ride. Open the doors!
- Whoo! - Ahh, that's better.
I can't believe they locked me up for drivin' on the sidewalk.
Come on, Eddie. Get in.
It was just a couple of miles.
- I'll drive. - But I wanna drive.
No, I'll drive. I'm the cab.
Outta my way, pencil-neck!
How about this weather, huh?
It never rains.
They sprung the cab. Let's go.
And how about those Brooklyn Dodgers? Are they bums, or what?
Move over, I'm drivin'.
Benny, Eddie, we got company!
- Would you look at these two... Excuse me, ladies.
- Now that's what I call a couple of road hogs.
- I'm gonna blow his head off.
Benny, look out for the Red Car!
Whoa!
Benny, there's cops right behind us!
Not for long, Roger.
Now they're right in front of us.
Eddie, we're goin' backwards. Turn us around!
Gimme the wheel. Gimme the wheel!
The cops are still on our tail.
I know the cops are on our tail. What do you think I am, bli... Benny!
Pull the lever!
- Which one? - Which one?
"Which one"?
I'm gonna ram 'em.
Whoa!
I'm gettin' too old for this.
Aah!
- Jumpin' jeepers. - Hey, Roger, what do you call the middle of a song?
Gee, I don't know... A bridge! Aah!
Well, fellas, where can I drop ya?
- Somewhere we can hide. - I got just the place.
And incidentally, if you should ever need a ride, just stick out your thumb.
Hey, share the road, will ya, lady?
Ah, now that wasn't so bad, was it?
Boy, did you see that?
Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy.
What timing. What finesse. What a genius.
Ouch!
We're supposed to be hiding. What's wrong with you?
Ow. What's wrong with you?
You're the only person in this theater that isn't laughing.
Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss?
Hey, Eddie.
Boy, nothin'.
What could have possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
You wanna know?
I'll tell you. A toon killed my brother.
A toon? No.
That's right, a toon.
We were investigating a robbery of the First National Bank of Toontown.
Back in those days, me and Teddy liked workin' Toontown.
Thought it was a lot of laughs.
Anyway, this guy...
got away with a zillion simoleons.
We trailed him to a little dive down on Yockster Street.
We went in.
Only he got the drop on us.
Literally.
Dropped a piano on us from 15 stories.
Broke my arm. Teddy never made it.
I never did find out who that guy was.
All I rememberwas, he was standin' over me, laughin',
with those burnin' red eyes...
and that high, squeaky voice.
He disappeared into Toontown after that.
No wonder you hate me.
If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too.
Come on, don't cry. I don't hate ya.
- Yes, you do. - No, I don't.
You do hate me.
Otherwise you wouldn't have yanked my ears all those times.
All right, I'm... I'm sorry I yanked your ears.
All the times you yanked my ears?
All the times I yanked your ears.
Apology accepted.
Put 'er there, pal. I feel bet...
Oh, boy, I hope it's another cartoon!
Jeepers, another stupid newsreel.
I hate the news.
So you got all my stuff?
Yes. It's all packed up in the car outside.
Would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels.
Yeah. I'm sorry about the trouble in the bar.
Well, hell, stuffing olives for a livin' wasn't for me anyway.
Dolores?
You ought to find yourself a good man.
But I already have a good man.
P-P-Please, don't mind me.
You better get going, Eddie.
A near miss,
But this miss says, that's as good as a smile.
California Cloverleaf...
I'm glad Teddy's not here to see me runnin' away with my tail between my legs.
It's not so bad once you get used to it.
The Pacific Red Cartrolley line...
and the venerated Maroon Cartoon Studios,
Here R. K. Maroon is seen clinching the deal...
with Cloverleaf's bankers and execs...
in one of the biggest real estate deals ever in California history.
- That's it! - Three and a half million dollars for a...
That's the connection!
Let's forget it, There's nobody here.
Is that it, or are you scared?
P-P-Please! Me scared? Don't be ridiculous.
When you called Maroon, you told him you had the will.
But you don't. When he finds out, he's gonna be mad.
He might try to kill ya.
I can handle a Hollywood cream puff.
I just don't want the odds to change. You cover my back.
And if you hear or see anything, beep the horn twice.
Yeah, that's it. Beep the horn twice. Cover your back.
Boy, I'm ready. Dukes up, eyes peeled, ears to the ground.
Why, nobody gets the drop on Roger Rabbit.
- Aah! - What's up, doc?
Valiant, what are you tryin' to do, give me a heart attack?
You need a heart before you can have an attack.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ya got the will? - Sure.
I got the will.
Question is, do you have the way?
'Cause I can tell you now, it ain't gonna come cheap.
You got a lot of brass, coming up here by yourself.
Who said I'm here by myself?
Lemme see that will.
- I told you I got it. - I wanna see it now!
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways"?
- This supposed to be a joke? - No. This is.
Get up. Come on.
What are you gonna do to me, Valiant?
I'm gonna listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario,
the story of greed, sex and murder.
And the parts that I don't like, I'm gonna edit out.
You got it all wrong. I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!
Everybody's gotta have a hobby.
Oh, stop it. Stop it! Stop it!
The truth is, I had a chance to sell my studio.
But Cloverleaf wouldn't buy my property unless Acme sold 'em his.
The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell,
so I was gonna blackmail Acme with pictures of him and the rabbit's wife.
Blackmail, that's all, I've been around toons all my life.
- I didn't want to see 'em destroyed! - Toons destroyed?
- Why? - If I tell ya, I'm a dead man.
- You're a dead man if you don't tell me. - Unless Acme's will shows...
by midnight tonight, Toontown's gonna be left for the free... Aah!
Roger!
- What? - What in Sam Hill?
Eddie Valiant. Well, you're a sight for sore eyes.
- I ain't seen you to nigh onto five years. - Where ya been?
Drunk.
Feelin' frisky tonight, fellas?
Yeah!
Let's go.
Yahoo!
Hi, Eddie. Hi, Eddie. Bye, Eddie.
Tallyho! Tallyho!
Get outta here.
Going up, sir.
Yah!
Mind the step, sir.
Hold on, sir.
Yah!
Your floor, sir.
Have a good day, sir.
Ah, Gotcha.
A man!
Yoo-hoo, lover-boy!
It's Lena Hyena!
Aah!
Oh, no!
Aah!
- Oh, wook, piggies! - Hi, Tweety.
This little piggy went to market.
- This little piggy stayed home. - No.
This little piggy had roast beef.
- And this little piggy had... - Aah!
Uh-oh. Ran outta piggies.
Yah!
Eh, what's up, doc? Jumpin' without a parachute?
- Kinda dangerous, ain't it? - Yeah.
- Yeah, you could get killed. - You guys got a spare?
- Uh, Bugs does. - Yeah?
Yeah, but I don't think you want it.
- I do, I do. Give it to me. - Gee.
- Better let him have it, Bugs. - Okay, doc.
- Whatever you say. Here's the spare. - Thank you.
Aw, no! Ahh!
- Aw, poor fella. Ha, ha. - Yeah. Ain't I a stinker?
Aah!
- My man!
Come to Lena!
Ooh!
Toons. Gets 'em every time.
- Gesund heit. - Thank you.
Valiant.
I always knew I'd get it in Toontown.
Behind you!
- Drop it, lady. - I just saved your life and you still don't trust me?
- I don't trust anybody or anything. - Not even your own eyes?
That's the gun that killed R. K. Maroon, And Doom pulled the trigger.
- Doom? - I followed him to the studio. But I was too late to stop him.
That's right, You'll never stop me!
- You're dead! You're all dead! - Doom!
- Which way'd he go? - Well, I don't know...
- But... He went that away. - Let's go!
- Dumdums. Yeah. - Come on.
Oh, no. Where's Roger?
- Roger? He chickened out on me, back at the studio. - No, he didn't.
I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk, so he wouldn't get hurt.
Makes perfect sense.
We're obviously not going anywhere in my car, let's take yours.
I got a feeling somebody already did.
From the looks of it, I'd say it was Roger.
My honey-bunny was never very good behind the wheel.
- A better lover than a driver, huh? - You'd better believe it, buster.
Uh-oh. It's the weasels.
- This way. We'll take Gingerbread Lane. - No, wait.
No, no. Gingerbread Lane's this way.
So Valiant, you call a cab, or what?
Hubba, hubba, hubba. Allow me, madam-oiselle.
So how long have you known it was Doom?
Before poor Marvin Acme was killed, he confided in me...
that Doom wanted to get his hands on Toontown, and he wouldn't stop at anything.
- So he gave you the will for safekeeping? - That's what he told me.
Except when I opened the envelope, there was only a blank piece of paper inside.
- Huh. A joker to the end. - So where to, already?
- My meter's runnin'. - I have to find my darling husband,
I'm so worried about him.
- Seriously, what do you see in that guy? - He makes me laugh.
Aah!
Whoa, I've been Dipped!
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. What an unfortunate accident.
Nothing more treacherous than a slippery road,
especially when driving in a maniacal toon vehicle.
- Good work, Boss.
Don't just stand there. Help them.
- Put them in my car. - Follow me.
I think they'll enjoy attending the ribbon cutting at the Acme factory.
Come on, you mugs.
We searched Valiant, Boss. The will ain't on 'im.
Then frisk the woman!
I'll handle this one.
Nice booby trap.
Do they have the will, or not?
- Nah, just this stupid love letter. - No matter.
I doubt if that will is going to show up in the next 15 minutes, anyway.
- What happens in the next 15 minutes? - Toontown will be legally mine,
lock, stock and barrel.
Benny, is that you?
No, it's Shirley Temple. Ahh! Oh! Eee!
Jumpin' jeepers, what happened?
Doom grabbed your wife and Valiant and took 'em to the Acme Factory.
The Acme Factory? I know where that is. Get in.
Move over, Rog. You've done enough drivin' for one night.
Duh, Toontown right on the other side of the wall, Boss.
You see, Mr, Valiant, the successful conclusion of this case...
draws the curtains on my career as a jurist in Toontown.
I'm retiring to take a new role in the private sector.
- That wouldn't be Cloverleaf Industries, by any chance, eh? - Uh-uh.
You're looking at the sole stockholder.
Benny, you go for the cops. I'm gonna save my wife.
Be careful with that gun. This ain't no cartoon, you know.
This is no way to make a livin'.
Wouldn't you know, locked.
Whoa!
Can you guess what this is?
Oh, my God, it's Dip!
That's right, my dear. Enough to Dip Toontown off the face of the earth!
Vehicle of my own design.
Five thousand gallons of heated Dip...
pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon.
Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.
I suppose you think no one's going to notice Toontown's disappeared?
Who's got time to wonder what happened to some ridiculous talking mice...
- when you're driving by at 75 miles an hour? - What are you talking about?
- There's no road past Toontown. - Not yet.
Several months ago, I had the good providence to stumble upon...
this plan of the City Counci"s,
a construction plan of epic proportions.
- They are calling it a freeway. - "Freeway"?
What the hel"s a freeway?
Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena.
Smooth, safe, fast.
Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this freeway?
- I don't get it. - Of course not. You lack vision.
I see a place where people get on and off the freeway.
On and off, off and on,
all day, all night!
Soon, where Toontown once stood, will be...
a string of gas stations,
inexpensive motels,
restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food,
tire salons,
automobile dealerships,
and wonderful, wonderful billboards...
reaching as far as the eye can see!
My God,
- it'll be beautiful. - Come on.
Nobody's gonna drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel.
Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to.
You see, I bought the Red Car...
so I could dismantle it.
What the...
- Ay, caramba! - Aah!
Okay, nobody move.
All right, weasels, grab some sky, or I let the Judge have it.
You heard me. I said, drop it.
- Roger, darling! - Yes, it's me, my dearest.
I'd love to embrace you, but first I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage.
- Put the gun down, you bucktoothed fool! - That's it, Doom.
Gimme another excuse to pump ya full of lead.
You thought you could get away with it, didn't ya? Ha!
We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice.
Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks.
Roger!
Roger, say something.
Look, stars!
Ready when you are, Raou.
Tie the lovebirds together.
Put them up on that hook.
Use that escape-proof toonrope.
Time to kill the rabbit.
Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.
- Was I really? - Better than Goofy.
Roger, darling, I want you to know I love you.
I've loved you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit.
It's over, Mr. Valiant.
- Look out, you fools! - Not... so... fast.
One of these days, you idiots are gonna laugh yourselves to death!
Shall I "repose" of him right now, Boss?
Let him watch his toon friends get Dipped. Then shoot him.
With pleasure.
Everything's funny to you, ain't it, needle-nose?
You got a problem with that, Valiant?
No.
I just, uh, want you to know somethin' about the guy you're gonna Dip.
- He's lost his mind. - I don't think so.
Thanks.
Aah!
Hey, Eddie, keep it up,
You're killin' 'em! You're slayin' 'em! You're knockin' 'em dead!
- Nose! - "Nose"?
That don't rhyme with "walls".
- No. But this does.
Yikes! Oh, my goodness!
- Jeepers, that was close!
Bye-bye.
Eddie, hurry! It's coming back!
Oh!
- Oh, no! - This is it!
- No! - This isn't it.
Whoa!
Don't move.
No! No!
Yah!
Oh, no!
Come on, Eddie! Quit playin' around!
- No! Oh! No! - Yah! P-P-Please!
I wasn't worried. Were you?
- Eddie, look! - Look!
Holy smoke, he's a toon!
- Surprised? - Not really.
That lamebrain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a toon.
Not just any toon.
Remember me, Eddie?
When I killed your brother, I talked...
just... like... this!
Jumpin' jeepers! Oh!
- Yikes! - Oh, my goodness! Oh, no!
Huh?
Good-bye, my darling. Good-bye!
Oh! I think I'm gonna faint.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
I'm melting!
I'm melting! Melting!
Oh, no!
Eddie, do something!
Hurry up, Eddie! Do something!
Eddie, there's Dip everywhere! How are we gonna get down?
Jeepers, Eddie, that was a close save.
I thought for sure our goose was cooked.
Oh!
My hero!
- Oh, honey-bunny. - Oh, love-cup.
Oh, Roger!
You were a pillar of strength.
Sister Mary Francis! What the hell happened in here?
I've been a cab for 37 years,
and I've never seen a mess like this!
What was that, a rubbermask?
Yeah, and this is the rope from the safe that was dropped on Acme.
I think your lab boys will find that paint's a perfect match.
Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme.
And R.K. Maroon and my brother.
That's what I call one seriously disturbed toon.
Gosh, uh, I wonder who he really was.
- I tell you one thing, doc. He weren't no rabbit. - Or a duck.
- Or a dog. - Or a little wooden boy.
- Or a sheep. - Or a woodpecker. - Or a pussy.
What's that? What is that?
It's ink. That goof Acme squirted me with some the other night.
- Why it's comin' out now, I don't know, - Here's your answer, Eddie.
Acme Disappearing-Reappearing Ink.
- Boy, that Acme. What a genius! - Applesauce!
If he was such a genius, why didn't he leave his will where we could find it?
Without it, we're just waitin' for another developer's wrecking ball.
- Roger, that love letter you wrote to your wife... - Yeah?
In the Ink and Paint Club... why don't you read it to her now?
Sure, Eddie.
"Dear Jessica, How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways. I, Marvin Acme, of sound mind and body..."
- It's the will! - Keep reading.
"Do hereby bequeath inperpetuity..
the property known as Toontown to those loveable characters, the toons!"
Hey, Eddie, that was a pretty funny dance you did for the weasels.
Do you think your days of bein' a sourpuss are over?
Only time will tell.
- Yeah, well, put it there, pal. - Yeah.
Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already.
Does this answer your question?
- Blech! Bleah!
Come on, Roger, let's go home.
I'll bake you a carrot cake.
Okay, m-m-move along.
T-T-There's nothing else to see. That's all, folks.
Hmm. I like the sound of that.
T-T-T-T-That's all, folks!